H O M E

“Home is where the heart is”. 

That’s the proverb, right? So where’s my home then? Because my heart is certainly not here. Because this? This does not feel like home to me. The yelling and screams everyday don’t paint the picture of home to me. The resentment in your eyes when you look at me, speak to me or speak of me, sure does not depict home to me. My heart’s not here anymore.
Anymore? Maybe it never really was. Maybe it was all in the moment. Maybe it was all a facade. Maybe it was one of my fantasies. This time, I was hoping I had found a perfect home in you. I thought I had found a shoulder to place my head on after a long day. I thought I had found the one place free of judgment. I was deceived. And it was the worst kind, self deceit. 
You’re not my home. You don’t give me peace. I’m not at rest with you. No, far from it. I’m very restless around you. Restless because I try so hard to do right by you. Restless because, how could I possibly not? I flinch at every move you make. Not because you hit me, but what are the chances? The emotional blows are hectic enough, I don’t want more. 

So, why not leave? Right? That’s the question. 

Well, where do I go? I don’t have a spare home lying around somewhere I could run to. I don’t even have a home in me. Not anymore. At least I had walls but what did you do? You took them away from me. You tore them down. I have nowhere to run to. I’m stuck with you. Well, my body is but my heart? My heart is long gone. 

Home is where the heart is, they say. My heart is not here. My heart does not belong here. 
Where is my home, then?





Comments

Popular Posts