It’s not you, it’s me

Hey lovelies, 

I know I know, I just ghosted like that without any explanation whatsoever. I’m sorry. My disappearance had nothing to do with you, you’ll find out why if you keep reading. But I promise, I’m back for good. But first let me tell y’all what I’ve been up to. I know you like gist like me; lean in and sip this tea my dears. 

So 2020 started for me on a really bland note. It really was just bleh. I wasn’t feeling it. AT ALL. It was annoying because deep down I had serious plans and goals that I wanted to achieve but I just could not find the motivation to do anything. My anxiety was through the roof 99% of the time. Sometimes, for reasons as (not-so) trivial as meeting new people, I would feel my heart literally bursting through my chest. I would visibly shake and stutter at the slightest form of interaction. It was like the devil saw me trying to get rid of my social anxiety and said “you know what? Give her a double shot!” It was tiring, I tell you. I had wonderful people around me though, and their support was helpful in some ways. However, I didn’t exactly want to rely on anyone. You know, lone wolf, hard guy and other short stories. Although, I would try talking to them and I’d feel relieved for a while. But it really was only for a while. I tried writing but I had never felt that blank. Not even that one time that I went totally unprepared for an exam. I tried turning to God but it felt like every time I took one step towards Him, something pulled me ten steps back. It was exhausting my loves, really exhausting. I kept pushing though. You know what they say, the grind don’t stop. Lmao what nonsense grind? You get my point though. 

Don’t ask me how I overcame all that because if I’m being totally honest, I don’t think I have. I’m still trying everyday but this time, with God. I just decided to take the bull by the horn and fight head-on. Anything wey wan sup, make e sup. To be honest. 

Now, To the second reason I’ve been off here. So, at the end of 2019 I was very close to deleting my entire website and forgetting it ever existed. Somehow, I let that thought slip to two very important people to me and they almost cut my head off. After their push and encouragement, I decided that if I was going to continue, I had to make sure it was perfect. I wanted to create the perfect website, the perfect post, the perfect audience. Well, It didn’t take me long - if you don’t count three months as long - to realize that the Perfection I was seeking was a myth. If I was going to do something then I had to just go for it. Just do it. So here I am, doing it. 

It’s been a long ride of back and forths with my thoughts but I’m here now. I’m ready to do this Zamsays thing till my hands start to shake. I already “wasted” three months of my year but hey, we have nine more. I’m gonna need your help on this one though. Spread the word and bring people to the family. The Zam fam. 

Okay, forget I said that. 

But don’t forget to practice social distancing and wash your hands. Okay? 

Also, if you don’t mind, tell me what you’d like to see more on this blog. You know, 2020 my year of rebranding and Zamsays is here to serve. 

If you made it this far, you’s a real one. Bless you and stay safe xx 

Now that we’re all caught up on my life, your turn. Shall we? 

Nazam 💜